Oh, internet.

^According to Blogger this is where one reader found me.

I'm not sure why information about mesothelioma is being associated with me but alrighty.

Things I think about during morning traffic

I propose a positive addition to car horns. They just sound so mean on their own.

For example, if someone honks at you but you did nothing wrong, hit the “I DISAGREE BUT THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT” horn.

Or if you just want to send a stranger some feedback, press the “GREAT JOB U-TURNING!” horn.

There can even be a horn for compliments: “CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR CHILD MAKING THE JEFFERSON JR HIGH HONOR ROLL, I’M SO HONORED TO BE DRIVING BEHIND A PRODIGY PARENT”

Young Love

When I first met my boyfriend, I felt butterflies in my stomach.

And I thought to myself: I knew I shouldn’t have swallowed those caterpillars. 

Jerks. 

Maybe you had to be there

I may or may not have copied/pasted this from my Tumblr

One time, my brother and I were sharing a hotel room on a family vacation. I was exhausted, and we didn’t have anything on our itinerary for the next day until the late afternoon. Translation: SLEEP UNTIL 2PM  

But I did not get to be the lazy schlum that I longed to be. Around 8 in the morning, I was awoken by sounds of vacuums in the hallway. I grumbled. I tried to block the sound out with a pillow-sandwich on my head. Nothing worked. All while brother was peacefully Zzzzzing. So the only next logical step was to embrace my predicament and evesdrop with what was going on outside my room. 

The vacuuming subsided. I heard the shower running in the room next to mine. Great, the walls were thin. But I thought this was my chance to be able to fall back asleep. Running water was a nice enough white noise to be lulled to, right? 

Wrong. Because the sound of running water quickly turned into the sound of rhythmic splashing. 

Oh dear. 

Followed by the sound of rhythmic moaning.

 Oh dear oh dear oh dearrrrr. Followed by a knock at the door. Their door. The I’m-only-going-to-use-the-knuckle-of-my-index-finger kind of knock.

“House keeping?” (knock knock knock)

 “House keepeeennnngggg?” (knock knock knock)

I heard their door open.
“House kee—oh! Oh no! I’m sorry lady…OH MY GODDDDDD”
Door slammed. But really, who can blame them? Nothing’s sexier than the Holiday Inn Express. ”OHHHH CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST! OHHHHHH CINNAMON ROLLS!”

A thought

I'm glad we don't name our kids the same way we name our pets. Having a dog named Spot is cute. Having a son named Oversizedfacemole...not so much.

The secret to my academic success (besides, you know, hard work 'n stuff)

The numbers don't lie.

Oh hey

Shameless self promotion? You better believe it!

http://hyphenatedexcursions.blogspot.com/

My (other) blog about the development of a play that I wrote--selected for the New Works Festival at my school.